I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
