Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
