is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
