i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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