I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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