i need an iv and a liver transplant
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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