I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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