The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You ate ashes out of my bong
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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