scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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