Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
