i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
