I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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