I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
