he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
