Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
