I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
