A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
