i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
