So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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