I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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