i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize