So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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