We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
you will always have a special place in my vag
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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