No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
