3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
