Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
