haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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