I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
