I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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