Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
please come you make the beer taste better
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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