How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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