She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
How many fucks given?
0.12846
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
