I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I love how my cats smell like pot.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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