Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
