I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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