She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize