I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Randomize
