yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
