I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
