Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
