My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
