Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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