Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
