the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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