her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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