i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
