she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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