Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize