If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
