we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
