there's paper in my vomit.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
