Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
