It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
