Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
