There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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