He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
i drank out of a bidet.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize