She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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