Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
