one two three fourrrrnication!
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
