You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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