those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Actions speak louder than pants.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
