If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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