He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I touched a dick in church today
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
