I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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