it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
