A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize