I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
