ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
