Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
