HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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