U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
