My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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