Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
