watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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