i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
