But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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