I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
