It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
