Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
