omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
