dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
why do cheetos always look like penises
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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