I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm getting married
To pizza
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
