i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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