Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
