So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
