non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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