She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
