I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Enjoy the penises
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize