There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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