There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
