I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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