This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
