I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
