I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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